All Thoughts are Prey to Some Beast
by sushicat0
Summary: This story was inspired by the song "All Thoughts are Prey to Some Beast" by Bill Callahan. The lyrics make me think of how even innocent thoughts can have dark undertones. Kurt has been Kitty's best friend, even though he wants something more. But he and Kitty are both dating other people, so he's forced to keep his desires in check. What if he can't? Rated M!
1. I'm Crazy for You

Hello! This is my first fanfic on this site and the first one I've written in a loooong time. I know I'm a bit rusty, but I'll get better! I promise! :)  
This story was inspired by the song "All Thoughts are Prey to Some Beast" by Bill Callahan. The lyrics make me think of how even innocent thoughts can have dark undertones. Kurt has been Kitty's best friend, even though he wants something more. But he and Kitty are both dating other people, so he's forced to keep his desires in check. I'm terrible at summaries! The first chapter is kind of short, but the rest will be longer!  
**  
All Thoughts are Prey to**** So****me**** Beast**

It could easily be said that Kurt was a gentleman. He held doors open for ladies. He never bragged about his sexual conquests (truth be told there weren't many…well, _any _to brag about). Sure he had been dating Amanda for a few months now, and sure, she was beautiful. He still couldn't believe that any girl would willingly want to be with him. Want to kiss him, want to go…further. And he knew that soon Amanda would expect a little more physical contact from him. She had been hinting at that sort of thing, talking about the birth control she had started, kissing him a little longer than he felt comfortable with, tracing circles in his fur as she sat in his lap during movie night at the mansion. As much as Kurt liked Amanda, he had a sinking feeling that she wanted to be with him in _that way_ just because of what he was. She seemed to have a bit of a fetish for the strange. And Kurt-a furry, blue mutant-was definitely strange.  
Try as he might to convince himself that was the only reason why he felt reluctant to sleep with Amanda, Kurt knew there was an even better reason.  
A certain cute brunette-his best friend in the world, Kitty Pryde.  
Kurt knew it was hopeless. She had made it perfectly clear he was nothing more than a friend. Hell, she was dating Lance! Kitty was not interested and Kurt knew he was destroying his self confidence by trying to pretend otherwise. So he was her knight in shining armor, the one who carried her books and went shopping with her, the one who stayed up late talking with her on nights when she was in tears over some stupid thing Lance had said or done. He held her when she cried, he performed crazy stunts to make her giggle, and he bandaged her wounds when the Danger Room got a little too rough. He was basically a "boyfriend", but with none of the benefits. Evan and Scott teased him mercilessly about his willingness to do anything and everything for the petite mutant, but Kurt tried to ignore them. He was head over heels, but he had a girlfriend. And Kitty had a boyfriend. Her happiness was all that mattered.  
Kurt loved her, but would not dare push. He would simply die if she ever terminated their friendship.

But try as he might, there was no way he could think of Kitty as "just a friend". Those innocent thoughts he kept in check during the day, they took over when he was alone. In the shower, lying in bed late at night, he pictured her. Kitty, sprawled out on his bed, chocolate brown hair fanned out on his pillow like a halo. Kitty, arching into him, moaning his name, begging for release…  
"Mein Gott!" Kurt violently shuddered and tried to shake the images from his head. "Oh Keety. *Ich bin verrückt nach dir..."

*I'm crazy for you.

It feels so good to be writing again! I'd love it if you would review! Let me know if I'm doing anything wrong (or right!) :) I've been a fan of this site for years, and I'm beyond excited to finally be submitting some of my own work.

-sushicat0


	2. Chapter 2-I'm a Masochist

Chapter 2

School was uneventful, as usual. Even the teachers seemed ready for the weekend, so Fridays were great for goofing off and hanging out with friends. Kurt hadn't seen Kitty since the ride to school that morning and he was feeling antsy. She was supposed to meet for lunch-where was she? Kurt had saved them a table outside and was soon joined by Scott and Evan. The sun shone brightly on them, but Kurt felt like a raincloud had settled over his head. His sour look didn't escape his friends and fellow mutants.

"Dude, are you looking for Kat? She's probably with rock-head."  
Kurt growled at Evan. "I'm not looking for her. She can do vatever she wants, hang out with whomever she vants-"  
"Admit it man," Scott chimed in. "It's burning you up that she's with Lance. Trust me, I know that look." He jerked his head towards a table a little ways from them, where Jean was sitting in her boyfriend Duncan's lap. She had her head thrown back, apparently laughing at something funny Duncan had said. Kurt was surprised Duncan could string two sentences together; much less make their Jean laugh.  
"Vat does she see in him anyway? He's a jerk."  
"Speaking of jerks…" Evan nodded towards the school where Kitty was currently walking out with Lance. Lance had his arm draped across her shoulders like she was his property or something. Kurt could feel his tail lashing around under his hologram. Kitty spotted them and waved, yelling something inaudible. The pair began making their way towards the table.

Kurt groaned right as Rogue plopped down beside him. "What's up guys?" She followed their gaze. "Ah."  
As they approached the table, Kurt wondered for the billionth time what Kitty saw in Lance. His kätzchen was a picture of beauty-long dark hair, big blue eyes. She looked like an angel. Lance, on the other hand, had a "bad-boy" image going. His hair was disheveled and his clothes were spattered with oil-probably from working on his motorcycle. But what made Kurt most uncomfortable was the look in Lance's eyes. It was the look of someone who doesn't mind doing the wrong thing to get what he wants. He seemed cold and hard.  
"Summers. Spikey. Goth." Lance nodded to them, undraping his arm from Kitty's shoulders. He patted Kurt on the shoulder, way too hard. "And fuzzy."  
Kurt grunted in reply. Evan and Scott were tense, almost itching for a fight.  
Kitty sat on the bench next to Kurt and gave him a quick hug. "Kurt! I'm so glad we found you! We have like this totally awesome idea! The Carnival opens tomorrow and I thought we could make a double-date out of it!"  
Kurt blinked in confusion. "A double date? Wha-"  
"Yeah, like you bring Amanda and me and Lance will be there. We can all hang out! Wouldn't that be fun?"  
Kurt thought a round with the Danger Room sounded more fun than what Kitty had just proposed. But she looked so cute, her blue eyes wide with excitement.  
Kurt smiled weakly. "Oh, yeah. That sounds great!" He could see Rogue smirking across the table.  
"Awesome! Well we've gotta go, so I'll see you guys at home! Lance is giving me a ride, so don't wait for me!" She hugged Kurt again and stood up. She leaned against Lance and they began walking away, Lance turning around to give them a scowl.  
"Mein got." Kurt groaned. "I'm an idiot."

The ride home from school later that day seemed too quiet. Kurt knew it was because of Kitty's absence. He hated how he only truly felt happy when she was around. It was torture and he had no one to blame for himself.  
Kitty got home right before dinner, much to Kurt's annoyance. That meant Lance had plenty of free, unsupervised time with his kätzchen. The thought of them alone make Kurt want to hurl.  
Kurt figured he might as well tell Amanda their plans for the following evening. He knew she sometimes got a bit jealous when Kitty was around, so he hoped the date wouldn't bring out Amanda's worst.  
Amanda answered on the first ring, like she normally did. Kurt often wondered if she was constantly staring at her phone, willing him to call.  
"Hey baby!" she crooned into the phone. "What's up? I've been waiting for you to call. We haven't spoken all day. Are you okay?"  
Kurt sighed inwardly. "Nein. I'm fine, just wanted to call and tell you about our plans for tomorrow evening…"

After dinner, Kurt decided to take a walk around the grounds to clear his head. He could have kicked himself for agreeing to that stupid double-date. He barely wanted to spend time with Amanda and he sure as hell didn't want to spend any time with Lance. "I must be a masochist." he mumbled to himself.

By the time he got back to the mansion night was falling. Luckily most of the occupants had congregated in the common room for movie night. Rogue was pouring popcorn into bowls as he trudged through the kitchen.  
"What's the matter blue? You skippin' movie night?"  
"Ja. I'm just not feeling it tonight. I think I'll just go to bed."  
Rogue paused for a moment. "Kurt…is this about the date? You know you can cancel, right? Or I could tag along. I really don't mind. I mean, hanging out with that jerk off Lance doesn't really sound like a good time, but if it makes things less…awkward."  
"Danke, Rogue. But it'll be fine. Awkward, but fine. Plus, Amanda will be there." He smiled weakly. "Maybe Kitty and Lance will go off somewhere by themselves." Actually, his heart seized at the thought of Lance taking Kitty to some dark corner of the carnival. God knows what he would do to her. Or what she would let him do. Kurt felt his tail twitch.  
Rogue sighed, bringing him back to the present. "Well, good luck." She shook her head ruefully. "If you would just be honest with Kitty, you could avoid all this stupid drama. You know that right?"  
Kurt groaned and teleported to his room.

After stripping to just his boxers, Kurt flopped onto his bed. He wished Kitty was there waiting for him. He immediately felt guilty. He had a girlfriend! He shouldn't be thinking those kinds of thoughts, not while he had a girlfriend. Especially when those thoughts were about his best friend. He blushed, imagining Kitty's reaction if she knew the kinds of dreams he had about her. "She'd probably never speak to me again. She'd be absolutely disgusted. Why would she choose a freak when she already has a normal looking boyfriend?"  
Kurt fluffed his pillow and closed his eyes.

He was awoken by a slight tapping at his bedroom door, almost too faint to hear. Kurt was beginning to wonder if he's dreamed it when he heard a small voice. "Kurt? Can I…can I come in?"  
Kurt vaulted off the bed towards his pants with a strangled "Yes!" He struggled to pull his pants up as the love of his life phased through the door.  
Kitty yelped and covered her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I thought that like, you might still be up. If I knew you were sleeping I wouldn't have bothered you." She was dressed in a thin sleep shirt that barely covered her hips. If she were to stretch her arms above her head…Kurt tried to erase that image from his brain. Buttoning his pants, Kurt gently took Kitty's hand and lowered it from her face. He immediately noticed how red her eyes were-she had been crying.  
"Keety? Vat are you doing here? Vat's wrong?"  
Kitty bit her lip, looking conflicted. "Look, Kurt…I like, well, I needed to talk to you. I…well, you don't need to worry about that double date tomorrow. I, um, I broke things off. With Lance, I mean. I guess we're like, done. For good."  
Kurt thought his heart might burst with joy. For her sake, he tried to look contrite.  
"Vat happened? If he did anything to hurt you-"  
"No Kurt. Nothing like that. I just…I realized that there was someone else I wanted to be with." She looked up at him, those gorgeous blue eyes shining with unshed tears.  
Kurt's stomach lurched and his tail lashed back and forth, betraying his nervousness. "Kätzchen…"  
Before he could blink, her lips were pressed against his. Kurt let himself melt into her kiss, savoring the taste of her mouth, the softness of her lips. He began committing everything to memory, because surely she would regret this. She would stop and look horrified, and run.  
At the moment it wasn't looking like she was going to be going anywhere anytime soon. She stood on tiptoe and put her arms around his neck. Kurt's hands moved to her hips to bring her closer. His tail was wrapped around her left leg, winding upwards. He moved his hands lower…and snapped out of the trance her kiss had put him in. "Keety" he whispered hoarsely, "Ve should stop. This isn't vat you want. In the morning…you vill hate yourself. And you vill hate me."  
Kitty pulled back and began idly running her fingers along the back of his neck. He shuddered at the feel of her soft hands on his fur.  
"I don't want to stop. I don't want you to stop. Please? I want this. I want you." She looked up at him with those beautiful eyes, her long dark hair falling on her shoulders. He could see her nipples through her shirt. With an almost animal-like moan, Kurt picked her up and Kitty wrapped her legs around his waist. He was painfully hard and the feel of her pressed against him there almost drove him over the edge. Carrying her to the bed, he placed her head gently on his pillow and lowered himself onto her.  
Looking into her eyes, he asked one more time. "Are you sure?"  
"Please, Kurt." Kitty breathed.

Kurt woke with a start. He jerked and rolled off his bed, whacking his head on the nightstand in the process. His alarm clock clattered to the floor. The numbers read 5:18AM. Kurt sat up trying to make sense of everything. He moaned and covered his face with his hands-that dream. Again. This was the fifth time he'd had it and each time it had seemed more real. He hoped to god he hadn't been calling out Kitty's name in his sleep. That was all he needed, his kätzchen knowing what a perv his subconscious was. He sighed and glanced down at his tented boxers. Well, since he was up (ha) he might as well get a shower. A really cold one… 


End file.
